


Gravity

by Killwaii



Category: Fullmetal Alchemist: Brotherhood & Manga
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Blind Roy Mustang, Blow Jobs, Complete, Edward Elric Keeps Alchemy, Edward Elric Swears, First Times, Fix-It of Sorts, Friends to Lovers, Fullmetal Alchemist Ending Spoilers, Kisses, M/M, Mild Smut, Pining, Smut, after Brotherhood, hair fetish, not beta we die like men, royed, soft, true love or something, very brief underage
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-10
Updated: 2020-03-30
Packaged: 2020-06-25 17:23:37
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 11,789
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19750321
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Killwaii/pseuds/Killwaii
Summary: It wasn't supposed to go like this. No, nothing Roy had ever considered, planned for, had even conceived of had prepared him for what happened.It had been years, and Roy was haunted with guilt and longing, warring within himself. He didn't regret what he'd done, not really, but if he thought too hard, that deep feeling of guilt and shame filled his core so deeply, so thoroughly, nothing but falling into a bottle of whiskey could help him forget.**complete**





	1. The end is the beginning

_I wanted you to be the last thing on my mind…_

It wasn't supposed to go like this. No, nothing Roy had ever considered, planned for, had even conceived of had prepared him for what happened. 

"Give 'em hell, colonel!" A deep, pain-laced smirk.

He couldn't stop himself, lord knows, he tried. God, did he try.

He reached a gloved hand forward, grasping a blood red cloak, pulling the smaller man closer. He knew it was a bad idea, one of the worst he'd ever had. And yet.

Roy moved fast, bending forward, warm lips touching, caressing, the briefest of kisses before pulling back. 

Then leaning forward again, a more solid press of lips. He stopped himself from deepening the kiss, refrained from flicking out his tongue to taste, to tease.

Roy didn't go back a third time, the look of pure, unadulterated shock giving him pause, shaking him to the core.

"Stay safe, Fullmetal." A brief smile, and then he took off towards the brainless abominations, the afterimage of gold eyes, beautiful and panicked, soft and calculating, burned into his memories. 

He hasn't known what was to come-how could he have? He lost almost everything. 

His sight, so many of his men.

Fullmetal.

One of his last, most vivid visual memories was of Ed. Gold hair, soft in the breeze, contrasting the red coat, dark like blood. Gold eyes, shocked but searching, lips this side of bruised, pink and flushed as his cheeks.

God, how could he have known?

It had been nearly 3 years, and all that gold was his last vivid memory. One of the last things he'd seen. If he thought too hard, too long, he could feel those lips, soft against his own, searing him deeper than skin should. 

It was also the last time Ed had been to Central. At least, as far as Roy knew. After his stay at the hospital, he'd heard the Elrics had gone to Resembool to heal, get used to bodies again.

And maybe to get away from Roy. At least on Ed's part. And, knowing those brothers, the chances of Alphonse knowing about that stolen kiss were high.

Roy tried not to think about it. He busied himself in paperwork, in running the military, in peace accords and summits. 

Busied himself trying to find a way to regain his sight.

Busied himself doing anything that kept him from drowning in silken gold hair, a hot press of lips, more wishful thinking than actual memory. 

It had been years, and Roy was haunted with guilt and longing, warring within himself. He didn't regret what he'd done, not really, but if he thought too hard, that deep feeling of guilt and shame filled his core so deeply, so thoroughly, nothing but falling into a bottle of whiskey could help him forget.

It had been years and no word from the Elrics. He was sure someone in his team knew where they were, what they were doing, but without his sight, Roy was at a severe disadvantage in reading people, expressions and body language no longer available to analyze. 

It was infuriating.

"General" Riza announced herself, closing his office door behind her.

"Hawkeye."

"We've heard back from the Cretan alchemist. They've agreed to travel to Eastern command to meet with us about your sight. They will arrive within a fortnight."

"Good work Major." Roy scrubbed a hand through his hair. "Let's hope this isn't another wild goose chase."

"I don't believe it is, sir. All reports suggest this alchemist is capable of many forms of healing."

There was a note in her voice that gave Roy pause, but he knew she wouldn't talk unless she wanted to.

"All travel arrangements have been made, and everyone alerted for our arrival. Would you like to stay at Command or in the city?"

Roy considered. There were advantages to both, but, if this alchemist was as good as the reports claimed, then he'd like privacy to get used to seeing again. He hadn't seen the looks people had given him when he'd lost his sight, and he'd been glad. 

He'd heard the whispers, the rumors, of course. That had been enough. 

"The city, thank you."

"Very good sir. Moving on, I'd like to remind you of your 4:00 meeting with…"

And so the days leading to their departure went on. Paperwork in braille, meetings with the military, and drowning himself in whiskey to forget the images seared in his mind. Drowning the memories, some real but most imagined, little what-ifs haunting his core searing his soul in longing so deep, there was no surface.

They took their own train carriage, as per Hawkeyes request. She was acutely aware of how Roy viewed his...disability and accommodated as much as possible. 

She was also a demon workhorse and forced him to finish paperwork while travelling. 

Roy was both grateful and aggravated in equal parts.

"Sir, please pay attention. If we're to have true peace with the Ishvalens, we must find ways to curb the…" 

She was right, of course. 

"I've been thinking about that a lot, Major, and here's what I've learned from Scar-"

The concierge of the hotel sent a car to pick them up at the train station, and members of Eastern command were on hand to greet them, act as bodyguards. 

"We received word from the hotel, the alchemist arrived this afternoon and awaits your arrival."

"Thank you, Private."

Soldiers took their bags, guiding Roy and Hawkeye to the car. 

Roy was nervous and it was getting harder to hide. His pulse was in his throat, tendrils of doubt curling in his gut, biting and cold.

Would it work, even a little? Was there a philosopher's stone? Would he consent if there were? He knew vividly how they were made...was it worth it? The Elrics refused, but...was he as good as them?

Was anyone?

"We're here, General, Major." 

The cool air eased the tension, just a touch. He was here already, there was no way to go but forward.

A small piece of his heart wanted to make Ed proud, even if he would never know, or even care. 

"Right this way...major?" 

A soft touch on Roy's shoulder, delicate but assured.

"This way, sir."

If Roy, or Riza, were uncomfortable or embarrassed, they both knew how to hide it. How to just _act_ without ever having to address the blindness, the pink elephant in the room.

Down a short path, crunching beneath heavy boots, up two stairs and through the door. Roy had no idea what the hotel looked like, but it smelled rich, like sweet spices and fresh air. It was nice.

"General Mustang, welcome! We've already prepared your room with your specific.. needs in mind." If the innkeepers voice hitched just a little, Roy was good enough to ignore it.

"Thank you." 

"I'll have Stevens escort you to your rooms and-"

"About time you showed up. How long didja plan on making me wait?"

The world went still, frozen and silent, as the achingly familiar voice cut through the din, tearing shreds into Roy's heart and soul.

"Oh, I didn't expect to see you here. It's good to see you." Hawkeyes voice was warm, welcoming. 

A warm chuckle crawled through Roy, painfully familiar, as a throb of unadulterated longing filled his entire being. He could feel his chest constrict, too tight. 

"Who did you think was going to fix all _that_?" 

Roy wanted to respond, to say something, anything, but his mouth wasn’t working. Questions filled him up, loud against his brain, his heart. 

"We were told it was a Cretan alchemist we were meeting."

"That would be me, yea."

A moment of silence, filled with more unanswered questions. 

"General...it's, uh, good to see you."

Was it his imagination or was that voice lower, unsure?

"Fullmetal."


	2. Choices

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Roy is faced with choices, but not really.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please forgive my long-ass absence! We are back on track, and I edited a few things. We are a go though so please stick with me!
> 
> xox

_ “I wanted you to be the reason I closed my eyes” _

The silence was deafening, at least, for Roy. He knew that the world hadn’t actually stopped, but hearing himself say  _ that _ name, and know that  _ he _ was there...it was earth-shattering. 

If he thought he had known true guilt, true shame, and true longing-he knew in that moment he had been a fool.

Hearing that familiar voice, older now, sent shivers down Roy’s back and it took every ounce of self control to hold himself together. The pieces, held together with force and whisky and time were coming undone. 

Edward cleared his throat. “I, uh. I don’t go by that name anymore.”

Roy would have given anything to see the face that went with that voice, that pitch. Not full of regret, no, but something akin to it. Something almost apologetic, as if that name, the Fullmetal title, was what held them together, bound them. Bound them in a way that...no longer existed.

He wanted to apologize. To repent. To repair. 

He wanted to feel those lips against his.

He was so full of emotion, filling him up, skin crawling with the need to do something, do  _ anything _ . 

“I didn’t expect you to be here.” Roy echoed what Riza had said, he knew it, but what else could he say? Or do?

Besides falling to his knees, begging for both forgiveness and permission, of course. But that was out of the question. Vague thoughts about actions that weren’t possible. 

A ruffling of clothing. “Yea, I, uh. Surprise?”

“A pleasant one, we can both assure you.” Riza cut in. Roy didn’t know if she could feel how unhinged he was, or if she just wanted to talk to an old friend, but he was grateful regardless. 

“General? Major? We can take you to your room now…” 

“Right, please lead the way.” Riza responded, laying a deceptively soft hand at Roy’s elbow.

“Sir.” she said, voice quiet but warm. 

“Might as well come too, Edward.” She spoke a bit louder, voice more a command. “And if we can have some tea brought in?”

Roy didn’t hear the response, if there was one. He was too busy following the Major’s footsteps, soft against the wooden floors, at his immediate left, and the second set, one soft boot, one heavier clunk.

It was stupid, Roy knew it, but he had missed that sound. Of Edward, and his automail leg, haphazardly clunking through the halls. 

The nostalgia, the longing…nearly floored Roy. The swirl of emotions, memories...dreams, twisting round and round, cutting and biting. It took all of his years of training, of faked indifference, of pride, to keep him walking. Calm, collected, as he felt an emotional weight bury itself in his gut. 

“So how have you been, Edward? Have you been in Creta long?”

“Uh, well, I went after Al was healed and ready to get moving. We were on our way to Xing-oh, did you hear that Al and Mei are engaged? Her family damn near adopted him! I had to step in-”

Roy zoned out, the deeper cadence of Edwards voice trailing down his spine, resonating within his chest, his heart. The voice had deepened, was rich against his spine, but Roy would know it anywhere, like it was seared into his brain, part of his very soul.

He should be paying attention, soaking up the details of Edward’s life, but the effort was too much. Roy was lost in a black hole of emotion, and his tenuous grasp on normalcy, of indifference, was slipping.

He needed a drink. 

“General, Major” the hotelier spoke, the soft creaking of a door following. 

Their room was on the first floor, likely to avoid the whole stairs fiasco. Roy followed Riza in, her voice soft in his ear.

“The door opens to the right. Straight ahead, 10 steps, is the sitting room, 2 couches, one is 2 steps to the left, and a coffee table. To the left is a hallway that looks like it leads to the bedrooms, and to the right is a small kitchen, and another door, likely the bathroom.”

Roy nodded along, visualizing the layout as best he could. If Riza had told him the steps to the sitting room, it means she meant for him to go there first. It meant that there were nuances to the room that needed explanation. The rest of the suite could wait until they were alone. Wait until no one around to witness how...crippled he truly was.

“Is everything to your satisfaction?”

Roy wasn’t sure who he was asking, as he made his way to the sitting room, taking slow, steady steps. Once he reached 10 steps, he took another two to the left, and reached out a hand, feeling around for the couch.

“Yes, thank you. We can make our own tea from here.” Riza responded, as Roy sat down, the sound of clinking glasses the only indication that tea had arrived.

Roy listened to the sounds of Riza moving about the room, settling the tea items, the soft whoosh of the couch as she sat down. Edward moving about the room, the mismatched footfalls self assured.

All were a backdrop to the sound of his heart, beating loud, too loud, in his chest. He was sure it could be heard in Xing, sure he was having a heart attack, as his chest thundered, against his rib cage, painful and bruising. 

"So, Edward, I thought you had lost your alchemic ability?"

“I did.”

Roy could hear the confusion in Riza’s voice, mirroring his own, as she asked “Then how are you...what are you…” A pause “I don’t understand.”

“I don’t do alchemy anymore-not in the way you and the General understand alchemy, at least. My alchemy...how do I explain it…” Edward paused “I guess it’s closer to Xingese alchemy, where I use the power flowing between all life as my power source, rather than the movement of the earth.”

“And that doesn’t affect your... _ understanding _ with Truth?” Roy asked, curious about the differences.

It had been a long time since someone could hold a conversation about the fundamental intricacies involved in alchemy. Almost 3 years, by Roy’s estimate. 

Edward snorted “Apparently not. I haven’t had any issues so far, and it’s been nearly 2 years.” 

Roy heard the sound of the door, and then Riza stood up. He knew her footsteps like he knew Ed’s, the familiar weight and cadence. 

Quiet whispering, and then Riza said “Please, excuse me one moment.”

Then the door closed.

Roy wanted to fill the silence, fill the awkwardness between them, but had no clear idea of what to say, how to act. The last time he had seen Edward, his resolve had broken, his iron-will had failed, and he kissed the boy, despite knowing without a doubt that it was the worst idea that he had ever had.

But gods, his body, his heart, his very _soul_ had craved it, needed it. Needed to feel that connection, needed to feel  _ something _ even if only once, with the one person whom his soul cried out to. 

The silence was just hitting the uncomfortable stage, when he heard Edward shift, clearing his throat,

“So-”

The door opened, interrupting whatever Edward was going to say.

“General.” The tone is Hawkeye’s voice had Roy on edge. Something wasn’t right. 

“Major?” 

She sighed “Have you two discussed the process for this...procedure?”

“Not as of yet, Major.” Roy responded, still on edge, still raw. Too many emotions, too many memories.

“Edward?” 

Roy heard the deep inhale, and the couch shift. 

“Well, first off, the alchemy that I practice now is vastly different than what you two are used to. This kind of healing isn’t...instant and given the amount of time since the injury has occurred, I may not be able to do anything at all. That said, we start the process with an assessment of sorts. I’ll use alchemy to see the flows of energy within the General’s body, and then determine if I can repair what’s been damaged.”

Which meant that, if Roy could be fixed, this was going to be a longer process than he’d originally anticipated. Meaning more time with Edward.

Roy felt his palms turn clammy.

“Will you start the assessment today then?” Hawkeye asked, voice still near the door, filling Roy with a deep anxiety and confusion. What was she doing?

“I’d hoped to, yea.”

Movement near the door “Then let me know how I can help set up.” she paused. “I have a meeting to attend at Command, and I’d like to have an idea of how long the General will be...preoccupied.”

“Alright-” and then Edward began giving instructions, while Roy sat frozen on the couch. It was all moving too fast, much too fast.

Roy had barely said more than a handful of words, and...what meeting did Hawkeye have?

He didn’t like feeling out of his element, didn’t like having some control over the situation. He’d been at a distinct disadvantage since he lost his sight, and now...now he was drifting.

“Alright, General” the soft voice beside his ear nearly made him jump. A hand against his shoulder, as he stood up, and was guided through the room, leg bumping into some furniture. 

“And just here” his hand was led to a bed, where he sat then, turned his face to where he thought the Major still was, brows furrowed. “Get comfortable, this may be a while.”

Roy heard Edward move away, the uneven steps echoing against his chest. 

Deep breath in. He could do this. Be this close to Edward. He would be fine-he had to be. There was no other option. 

Slowly, he undid the buttons on his military coat, shrugging the heavy material off, where Hawkeye took the article, as well as his gloves. 

“I’ll need your head here-” Edward said, as Hawkeye directed Roy.

“And we’re set.”

Roy lay on his back, vision black, as his heart thundered against his chest. 

He could do this. He could do this, and not fall apart. Be this close to Ed, who was seated behind his head, close enough to feel the heat radiating off him, and not reach out to touch.

Roy curled his fingers into a fist, pulling them close to his legs.

He could do this. 

“Edward, do you still remember our lessons?” 

“I-yea. Why?”

The shuffling of fabric, a dull snap, the smell of gunpowder.

“But, Major-”

“I have to head to command for a meeting with the commander. I leave the General in your very capable hands while I’m away. General?” She addressed him “Try not to be a pain in the ass.”

Edward snorted “I don’t think he can help himself.”

What Roy would have given to see the expression that went with that tone.

“I’ll leave guards at the front too. Call if you need anything.” 

And with that, Hawkeye left the room, leaving Roy alone with Edward.

Roy tried to control his breathing, keep it steady, keep his heart from choking him, breaking against his ribs. Nerves were getting the best of him, and he willed himself to at least pretend to be calm around Edward.

“Well. Let’s, uh, let’s get started.” If Roy didn’t know better, he would have thought Edward sounded nervous, his new, deep voice held a slight tremor. But that would be absurd, right?

Behind him, Edward shifted, and Roy could feel the heat from the other man, feel the thrum of skin so close to his face.

“While I do the assessment, you can’t move at all. I need to see how the energy moves naturally.”

“-right.” Roy replied. He didn’t know if it was an excuse or the truth, but he didn’t care.

Roy had dreamed of this moment, of meeting Edward again. Had planned on what to say, on how to woo the perfect-for-him young alchemist. Had planned the worlds greatest grovel and apology speech.

And now, faced with the guilt and the longing, beating against his ribs, cracking and hollow?

Roy had no idea what to say.

* * *

_ “You can leave if you really want to. You can run if you feel you have to…” _

Roy had no concept of how long had passed. At first, he had tried to keep his heartbeat steady, his breathing normal, concentrating on keeping his hands still.

Then he let his mind wander. 

Roy allowed himself to consider the what-if scenarios his heart longed for. Little vignettes of what life would be like, if only he wasn’t a coward, wasn’t riddled with guilt and self-hate, and the absolute knowledge that his feelings would never, could never, be returned. 

-drinking coffee at Roy’s sunlit kitchen table, discussing the news, or politics, or alchemy; the feeling of Ed, half asleep, resting against Roy’s chest as they read on the couch; the passion and urgency and need after one of them returned from a trip, all teeth and lips and ripped clothing; the laughter and warmth of making dinner together.

Roy craved these moments with Edward.

“And, that’s it. Wasn’t too bad, eh, General?” Edwards voice was hushed in the silent room, but Roy felt the vibrations tingle down his spine, and bury themselves in his chest. 

“Not at all, Fullmetal.”

A huff “you know that's not my name anymore.”

“Sorry, just...habit.”

“Habit, or your way of-"

Whatever Edward had been saying was interrupted by the sound of the door opening, Hawkeye returning from her meeting.

“General, Edward. How did the assessment go?” 

Roy could hear the nerves in her voice, the smallest hitch in the cadence. He was nervous too, afraid of the answer.

“Good...mostly.”

“Mostly? Can you fix him”

“The short answer is yes. The long answer is that I can repair a great deal of the damage, reconnect the nerves and sensory connections, but it’s a delicate process, and I can’t guarantee that Mustang’s eyesight will go back to 100%.” Edward sighed. “The other maybe-issue is that the treatments will take longer than I’d expected.”

“How much longer?” Roy asked, sitting up on the bed, listening to Hawkeyes footfalls as she moved into the room.

“If we can do that, and then, and I’ll have to book a longer hotel, and add that…” Edward muttered to himself, before replying “At least 10 days. Maybe longer.”

That...that was a lot longer than Roy had originally thought. He hadn’t booked that much time away from Central, and had meetings scheduled for the following week. 

“Acceptable. Perfect, actually.”

“Major?”

He heard her throw her lithe body on the nearby couch, sighing as she did.

“Apparently, we’ve been requested at the training camp between Eastern and Southern commands. We just missed the orders when we left to come here. Or so I’ve been told. I’ve already booked my ticket to Southern Command for this evening.”

“Wait, Major-”

“When did those orders go out? I demand an explanation.”

“I wouldn’t hold your breath, if I were you. They come straight from the Furher. I’d say just be happy that he’s allowing me to go in your stead.”

“So, you’re leaving.”

Edwards words echoed in the room.

“Yes.” Hawkeye sighed and shifted, and Roy recognized the signs of annoyance. She wasn’t happy about this either. It didn’t make him feel better, mind you.

“If the General allows, here is my proposal: General-Roy. You need to be here to, to get your sight fixed. Edward is the best chance you have, and I will not allow you to give up this opportunity for anything. I will inform Command that you are on personal leave, for the time being, an Ed?” a pause “We’ll reimburse your hotel room, and you can take my room here. I would feel more comfortable if the General had protection from someone I truly trust.”

‘Tonight?” Edward’s voice was cautious, guarded.

“Please. I’ll have the other men bring your things, and ensure your comfort.”

“Not giving me much of a choice are you?” Ed snorted.

“Not really.”

“Do I get a choice?” Roy asked, already knowing the answer.

“No chance.”

Roy sighed. It was 10 days. Roy could do this. 

He had to. 


	3. Unheard and Unseen.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Treatment begins, and Edward learns that Roy has a breaking point.

_ “And if you keep second guessing, then there’s only gonna be one end” _

Roy liked to think that he was reasonably healthy, both mentally and physically. He still worked out, and trained, despite being blind. And mentally, well, he was coping as best he could, given the circumstances. Really, what person came out of a bloody war, with the smell of burnt flesh still fresh in his mind, only to have his best friend get murdered by a psychopath, and then fight  _ another _ war against undead soldiers and a living Philosophers stone, mentally sound?

All in all, Roy felt that he had been doing alright. 

Until he had to spend a night in the same hotel room as Edward. Who was a room over from his. Who he could hear snoring lightly between the thin walls. Hear every move, every shift, of the man who had complete and utter sway over Roy’s wretched heart. 

It was agony. Sweet, painful agony, tearing at his eardrums as he strained to hear more. Pain and longing and guilt beating against his chest, his ribs, shredding his heart as his mind filled in images of what he was hearing. Edward, twisted in white sheets, gold skin and hair glowing in the dark, soft and pliable, the smallest beat of sweat trailing down...

Roy didn’t sleep at all that night.

He crawled out of bed only because someone came to the door with breakfast and, more importantly, coffee. He’d spent the time that Edward was out packing his things learning the hotel rooms, lead by Riza, who explained where everything he could need was placed. 

He’d have preferred to have time to explore on his own, with Riza’s supervision, to ensure he knew exact locations of everything, but time was not a luxury Roy had.

Roy didn’t think that Edward would be judgmental about his disability, that wasn’t the kind of person Ed was. But Roy didn’t want to appear weak, helpless. Old. Didn’t want to rely on anyone, wanted to prove he was a fully functional military general, who just happened to be blind.

But, like most people, Roy often forgot that Edward himself was also disabled, had lived his formative years as a double amputee. Sure, he had one of those back now, but the scars were surely more than skin deep.

Roy showered and dressed before opening his door and moving slowly towards the living area. He knew the basic layout of the hotel suite, but it was vague at best, and he didn’t want to walk into anything, not in front of Edward.

“I’m in the living room” Edward called, presumably hearing Roy’s slow shuffle “Still take your coffee black?”

Roy paused “I-yea. Thanks.”

He heard Edward move around and a sudden realization struck him so soundly in the chest, his breath hitched.

Edward wasn’t wearing boots. Or, unless he was mistaken, socks. Something about Edward without footwear made the insides of Roy warm and squirmy, and he didn’t know what to do with that feeling.

“Ten more steps forward, and then four to the right.” Edward called out “Did you want some toast while I’m making some? There’s butter, like, 3 different kinds of jams, and this weird red spice stuff and-”

Roy was fucked.

“I was also thinking about having breakfast on the patio. It’s got lots of trees and shit so you can’t see in. Lemme just-” Roy heard shuffling and the clink of china and glass, the feet padding towards him, where he was still beside the table.

He nearly jumped when he felt a warm hand gently touch his elbow, heart thundering.

“Sorry” Edwards voice was so close, moving like velvet against Roy’s skin, fingers searing his skin.

Edward didn’t wait for a response, leading Roy, presumably, towards the patio. Roy could tell the area was lighter, but only barely. The air was scented with jasmine and bergamot, and some spice Roy couldn’t identify. 

A gentle hand against Roy’s shoulder, a bit of pressure, and Roy found himself seated, hand directed to a hot cup of coffee and a mumbled “There’s toast to the right of the cup.”

It was with a sudden clarity, not unlike getting hit in the face with a baseball bat, that Roy realized how completely and utterly fucked he was. He had known, of course, that being around Edward was going to destroy him-that was expected.

What Roy hadn’t expected, hadn’t anticipated, was how well Edward would just...adjust. Adapt. Have a visceral understanding of what Roy needed, and, with zero prompting, do it. No questions. No awkward conversation on how to deal with the blindness issue. Just….

Edward.

If Roy could beat his head against a wall without seeming like he was bat shit crazy, he would have.

He thought it was bad before, after that stolen kiss. Thought that was going to be the absolute pinnacle of suffering and longing and the complete knowledge that the screaming of his soul, his heart, would never stop.

Roy had been a fool. An absolute buffoon. He had no idea what he was in for, the absolute hell he was going to live with.

“You’ve been quiet. Guess I’m not good enough to talk to now that I’m not a dog of the military?”

Roy snorted. “Hardly. I...just-” he sighed. Avoiding the topic of his feelings, Roy had literally no idea what to even say to the boy he’d-basically-molested. Bring up what was probably a bad experience for Edward? Make him angry by forcing that conversation? Seemed like a pretty piss poor way to start off a 10 day stint alone together. So he settled for something safer.

“Tell me about how you ended up in Crete, I’m interested to hear how you got your alchemy back.”

A beat. Two. Seconds ticked by, and Roy would give nearly anything to see the look on Edwards face. He could feel those gold eyes on him, feel the intensity-but he was at a complete loss as to what Edward was feeling, what he was looking for. 

“-right. Okay. Fair enough, I guess.” came the response, followed by a deep sigh. “I guess it started off when Mei and Ling came to visit en route back to Xing-”

It was almost surreal, to sit, shrouded in darkness, with a boy as bright as the sun. Roy couldn’t see Edward, of course, but turned his face towards that light, that energy, like a flower towards the sun-completely at its mercy, mesmerized. Roy also never thought he would be in a position to just listen to Edward, excited and passionate, after the boy left the military. Not that Roy could blame him, of course. 

Edward had always made it perfectly clear he had one goal in joining the military, and Roy fully supported the brothers quest.

“-so now, he’s going to university in Xing, and lives with Ling-slash-Greed. It’s good for him, and he’s learning ways to combine the different kinds of alchemy, which is a process. Speaking of-” the sound of fabric moving, the pop of a spine “-let’s get started.”

Edward placed his hand on Roy’s shoulder after he stood, gently guiding them towards the table that had been set up, while Edward spoke quietly.

“So, just, okay. I’m going to be putting a bandage around your eyes, with cups that sort of encompass your eyelids. While we’re working, it’s imperative that you don’t open your eyes, so this makes it so you can’t. Once I’m done for the day, you can take the bandage off for a bit, but I want you to wear it, like, all the time. Movement of the ocular nerves and tissue may hinder the healing process, and I don’t want to set this back, you know?”

Roy hummed in response, as he felt the cloth against his eyes.

He’d been blind for the past 3 years-this was no different, even if it  _ did _ feel a bit more claustrophobic. 

“Alright, let me know if you need a break.”

Roy didn’t respond as he felt the thrum of energy, unique to Edwards alchemy, swirl around his head, prickling against his skin.

And that was how Roy spent his first day-completely surrounded by everything Edward, drowning in the feel of him, and the feelings that Roy had buried in his heart.

* * *

Roy didn’t sleep well that night either. 

The next morning, Edward didn’t even ask Roy about the patio, just guided them towards the area, coffee and breakfast already waiting.

Edward had already started telling Roy some story, about their adventures in Creta, as Roy reached down for his toast. Instead of his plate, Roy felt something metallic, and warm and smooth. Roy cocked his head to the side, as he heard Edward stutter, as he continued to run his hand against the warm metal, unable to determine what it was.

“Uh, General?” Edwards' voice had an edge to it, tight and nervous.

“You know, if I can’t call you Fullmetal anymore, I don’t know how appropriate it is for you to call me General. You aren’t in the military anymore, after all.”

Was it a utensil? Something Roy hadn’t seen before? The world was much bigger than just Amestris, so it wasn’t off the table.

“-right. Wow. Okay.” An audible breath in. “Roy...do you mean to be, like, caressing my hand?”

Roy felt his face go white, as his hand stilled. “-what?”

“My hand, do you-”

“You don’t have metal hands anymore, Edward.” Roy interrupted, heart beating against his throat, pins and needles tingling against his fingers, hot where they still barely touched the metal that  _ couldn’t be Edward _ .

A pause, and then in a quiet voice “Actually, I do. I...well…” another pause. 

“My real arm, well, it rejected. So, Winry had to make a new one for me.”

“Oh, Edward. I-”

“No, it’s fine. Really. Al was choked up about it for months, but I’m not upset or anything.”

“But all that work to get your bodies.”

“All that work to get Al’s body back. Mine was never something I cared much about. I knew what I was giving up, and I accepted it. Still accept it.”

“I see.”

A snort “Figuratively, anyways.”

“Brat.”

* * *

“You know, I still pictured you with an automail arm.”

They had just finished dinner, after a long day of alchemy. Or napping and daydreaming in Roy’s case. 

“Picture me often, do you?”

Roy felt his stomach drop at that question, mind scrambling for an answer, as his hands began to sweat.

“Can I recuse myself from answering?”

Edward snorted, then sighed.

“What do you remember the most? Like, visually I mean?”

Roy sighed. “Honestly? You. You were the last person I saw before the Gate.”

The silence hung heavy in the room, and Roy wanted to crawl under the table and die. He shouldn’t have opened his big mouth, should have just shut the fuck up, and left things alone.

"You never contacted me."  _ After the kiss _ hung in the air, hollow.

Roy could feel his insides shrivel, the ice that was his heart shatter, the shards piercing his lungs, his throat.

“Neither did you.”

“Yea, but-”

"You left Central so quickly, and even left your resignation with Havoc. I assumed that you didn't want to see me.." A pause, then Roy continued quietly "I assumed you both hated me.”

"-both?"

"-you and Alphonse."

A few moments of silence, the beat of Roy’s broken heart loud in his ears, his entire chest vibrating with the beats.

"I didn't tell him."

"I-oh."

"It was something private, for me. And you, I guess. Us, or whatever."

"I'm sorry for the assumption. You two shared everything-"

Silence.

"Why did you do it?"

"What?”

Edward cleared his throat, voice low, nervous. “Why’d you kiss me?”

If Roy could have blinked, he would have, as confusion slid through him. Edward wasn’t seriously asking, was he? As if he wasn’t aware that Roy had been, and still was completely and utterly in love with the boy? How...Was Edward…

“Edward...I feel like the reason is pretty obvious, given the-”

Edward growled “Answer the damn question, bastard.”

Roy was silent a moment. He couldn’t read the room, couldn’t read Edward. Could only feel the prickling energy between them, and Roy had no idea what to do with that.

“I get that you’re upset, I don’t even know if you’re interested in men, and I do admit-”

“That’s not a  _ fucking _ answer, Roy.” Edward growled again. “And I am, but that’s not the damn point.”

Roy refused to focus on that last point, even as his brain latched on like a goddamn lifeline, and, god save him, Roy was drowning fast.

“Listen, Edward, I know that you were...young, and I didn’t ask if I could-”

The sound of metal slamming against wood, the table shaking underneath Roy’s elbow, stopped him dead. Heart racing, feeling as if a bucket of ice was thrown on him, Roy froze, barely breathing, as he moved his arms in closer to his body, fingers twining together in his lap.

“Fucking hell, Roy, just answer the question! Don’t keep giving me goddamn bullshit excuses,  **fuck** .”

Shallow breaths, as Roy squeezed his own chilled fingers together. He felt lightheaded, as his heart beat crawled into his throat, body numb.

Deep breath in.

Roy could hold it together. It was only a bit longer. Roy could do this.

Deep breath out, choking on air.

Just had to follow the steps the doctors had laid out.

Deep breath in. Count to five. Exhale.

Empty his mind of all thoughts, willed his heart to just beat normally, to  _ just slow down _ .

Inhale to the count of five. Let the air in his lungs expand, fill him up, slow his too-fast heart. Exhale to the count of 10.

Repeat.

“-Roy…? Are you…”

Edwards voice was quiet, but felt like a gunshot in the silent room, Roy tensing as he froze again.

Roy exhaled loudly, as he stood up, movements slow, calculated. “I’m going to bed.”

“Wait, Roy, please-”

Roy turned to that voice, fingers still clasped together, heart punching through his chest, painful against his ribs.

“What, Edward? What do you want to hear? You want me to confess that I’ve wanted you since you were a fucking  _ child _ ? You want to hear that I kissed you because I couldn’t stop myself? That I’ve been in love with you for years? Is that it? Because that’s the fucking truth.” 

Roy ran a hand through his hair.

“Is that what you wanted to hear, Edward? Are you fucking happy now?”

The room echoed in the silence, at Roy’s last words. He waited a minute. Two. Then he turned towards the hallways, and began the slow journey to his room.

“No. I’m not.” Edwards quiet reply. 

Roy snorted. “Good. That makes two of us then.”

“Wait, Roy, please-”

“No, Edward. Not today. Not tonight. I’m going to bed.”

H’d kill to be able to storm out, go for a walk, calm himself. But, Riza wasn’t around and he was too **fucking** handicap to do it on his own.

So he put his hand against the wall, and blindly found his way to his room.

Roy was proud of the fact that he managed to hold it together enough to close his door before he completely fell apart.


	4. Gravity

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Resolutions from emotionally stunted boys, and a well timed phone call.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You know what? Don't look at this chapters word count. DON'T. Don't fucking look at me, I am not the least bit sorry. 
> 
> I humbly accept all kudos and comments please and thank you.

_ “Fallings easy, but there’s only one way out” _

Roy didn’t even pretend to sleep that night, mind alight with memories of blood, and gunshots. The smell of burnt flesh and hair and sand. The heat, the sweat, intermingling with decomposition, the sound of flies and cries and so much  _ pain _ .

It had been months since his last attack. Months since the cold fingers of fear and panic gripped Roy’s soul and body, leaving him incapable of doing anything other than sit on his bed.

Once he had calmed down, controlled his breathing, Roy knew he’d fucked up with Edward-that was just a truth Roy accepted. He’d been stressed and mid-PTSD attack, and had told Edward things he shouldn’t have. Sure, it had been the truth, but, most people couldn’t handle the truth. Edward wasn’t most people, but this was one of the times Roy doubted even the Fullmetal could handle it. 

Roy sighed. There were only 7 more days of treatment left. Roy could handle it. Handle it, get his sight back, and, gods willing, go back to his normal life at the bottom of the whisky bottle. Go back to his normal, miserable life, without the bright light of hope that was Edward Elric.

It wasn’t a life he was looking forward to, no, but Roy got what he deserved, didn’t he? Forcing his attention on a child, hurting the one person he’d sworn to protect. Roy really  _ was  _ a piece of shit, wasn’t he?

A quiet knock, followed by the door opening, Edward's soft voice in the darkness ‘Roy? Are you up?”

Roy had no idea what time it was, but it felt too early for this already.

He sighed “-yea.”

The door closed, and Roy heard the shuffling of fabric, as Edward moved near the door. 

The room was silent, the air thick and strained between them, and Roy wanted to break the silence, wanted to just...make things right. But nothing came out.

“Did you mean it?” Edwards voice was quiet and unsure. So far from the usual Edward that Roy tilted his head and, not for the first time, cursed his inability to see.

“Which part?”

“The-” a frustrated sound, then a sigh, Edwards voice somehow even quieter “the part about being, you know, in love with me or fuckin’ whatever.”

“Edward, look-”

“It’s tomorrow already, bastard. I waited until the stupid birds starting doing their thing, and the sky is like, bright and shit.”

_ Bright and shit _ . “Edward, what time is it actually?”

A beat. “-4:00.”

Roy snorted “Four? In the morning? You should still be in bed and-”

“I couldn’t sleep. I-I didn’t even try, to be honest. And...I don’t think you did either.”

A sigh. “You aren’t wrong.”

Seconds slid by, as neither moved, the room cloaked in thick silence, like the air before a storm, ready and waiting.

“I did.” Roy found himself answering, voice small, but clear, like silk against all that thickness. 

A few seconds of silence, and then the uneven footsteps against the hardwood floors, the metal heavy and loud against the backdrop of the early morning cicadas that began their song just outside of Roy’s window.

Roy felt the movement of his bed as Edward sat down-not too close, but enough that Roy could feel the weight depressing the mattress. Roy had no idea what to do with this development, his heart like a drum against his throat. 

The voice was still soft, but so close “I, uh, I get them too. Panic attacks I mean. It’s probably that whole Live through a war, get tortured, almost die thing, y’know?”

Roy snorted. “I do. Vividly.”

“Right, yea.” A pause, that voice turned away, as it continued, quiet in the stillness of the room. “It’s worse when it’s too dark, or cold. It...I just can’t deal, y’know? It’s normal, I guess, after what we lived through, but it’s a hard thing to explain to people. Like, No, I’m not afraid of the dark per say, but being in the dark fills me with terror thanks to Pride. I don’t even know how to explain that to anyone who doesn’t know.”

“I get it, Edward. Believe me. I met Pride and-” he shook his head “-I’m glad he’s dead.” A pause. “I know it’s...hard to admit that kind of thing, Edward, so, thank you for that.”

Edward snorted “I mean, I guess. It...I guess...it wasn’t that hard, I mean. To tell you, at least.”

Roy tried to keep from feeling pleased, he really did, but that warm furl of happiness wrapped around his chilled and bruised heart. But…

But…

“While I’m sure I’m delighted to have your company at 4 in the morning, before even coffee, I highly doubt you just came to discuss my panic attack. So, please, Edward, out with it.”

The seconds ticked by, the sound of the birds loud in the still air, the slip of fabric against the sheets, and minute movements of the bed. Was Edward closer? Roy couldn’t tell.

“You’re right, of course. I-” a sigh. “-when did you know? That you were,  _ you know _ , with me.”

“Edward-”

“Look, I know you don’t want to talk about it, but, Roy, I  _ need _ this. Please?”

Roy sighed. Truth it was. Edward deserved to know, and Roy...well, maybe it would lessen his heartache in the long run. Knowing that he, at least, got to tell the full truth.

“I don’t know if there was an exact moment, honestly. I doubt I’d even realized I’d fallen in love at first. It was more...a moment, when I realized I had.” Roy paused, raking his hand through his too-long hair. “Do you remember the incident with Maria Ross? When you thought I’d burned her alive...and you were there, looking up at me, spitting absolute venom and hate at me. And, as you looked at me, I knew then, as I felt my heart absolutely fucking shatter, knowing you hated me that much. I knew then that I was in love and there was...nothing I could do about it.”

Of all the responses, Roy had not, could not, have seen this coming.

Edward laughed. Full and deep, this new grown-up laugh that slithered across Roy like warm fur, and Roy  _ ached _ with longing. 

“Wha-”

“Sorry I can’t help myself!” Edward breathed out between chuckles, which slowly died down, although the mirth in Ed’s voice didn’t. 

“It’s...it’s funny because that’s my moment.”

Roy shook his head “Your moment for what? Edward, I have no idea what you’re talking about.”

Another chuckle “I guess not.” The bed shifted, the sound of fabric against fabric, then Roy froze as hands braced against his shoulders, and a warm thigh against his right, a metal one pressing against the other as Edward straddled his lap.

Those warm hands, metal and flesh, were braced against Roy’s shoulders, and thick, strong thighs caged his own and Roy’s mind was short circuiting into oblivion. 

Where should he put his hands?

“I- okay, I’ll level with you-” that voice was nearly in Roy’s ear, quiet, but insistent, with the smallest tremor of nerves or something else. “-I don’t know what I’m doing, or, fuck. Whatever. But-”

God, where the  _ fuck  _ should Roy put his hands? 

“-wait, before,okay. You said, like, present tense with all that, yea? Not like, a past tense or some shit?”

Roy could only nod, his hands still waving useless in the air. What the ever living fuck was he supposed to  _ do _ with them? What even  _ were _ hands?

“Cool. Good, okay. Well, I guess I should...well...okay. Look, we had the same moment, for that whole, you know,  _ feeling _ .”

The while noise drowned out Roy’s panic over where to put his hands, and let them fall to his own thighs. Hands were dumb, and this was important. Edward was important.

A hand left Roy’s shoulder, and Edward was close enough that Roy could hear as fingers scraped through long hair.

“So, I wasn’t like, whatever, at first. I don’t know what that feeling was...almost, maybe adoration mixed with hate? Whatever the fuck that is. But then I was 11, so whatever.” He paused, and Roy didn’t, couldn’t move. “And then, the Maria Ross thing...the way you looked at me, as I screamed at you, it...hurt? I thought it was over Maria, but, even after I saw her alive and well, something inside still hurt…”

Edward shifted, weight pressing into Roy differently, feeling that long cascade of hair brush against his arm. That same hair Roy had spent the past god knows how many months dreaming about, and the yearning and want and  _ need _ burned his throat, stole his breath.

It took all of Roy’s swiftly-dwindling self control to not reach out and touch that hair that haunted him, touch the body that was warm against his through two flimsy layers of fabric.

“-and I was a dumb kid. I probably knew what it was, what I was feeling, but, I had Al. I had a mission, so I blocked it out. Besides, Al doesn’t sleep, so it’s not like I could do anything to figure all  _ that  _ out.”

“Edward-”

“-and then like, the Promised day, what the fuck even was that? You just did... _ that _ ...and then left? Like-”

“Edward-”

“-you didn’t even give me a chance to respond, just took off and-”

“Would you have?” Roy finally got a word in the unstoppable force that was Edward Elric.

“What?”

“Would you have responded? Kissed me back?”

“What? Christ, Roy, Obviously. Have you even been listening to me, holy sh-”

“but...Edward. You looked….you didn’t…” Roy clenched his jaw “I was given the impression that you did not enjoy my advances in the slightest.”

“You were wrong.”

Roy sighed. He had dreams about the look on Edwards face, the shock, the distrust. Roy wasn’t wrong-he was sure of it.

“Edward, I highly doubt that in the moment, you were particularly pleas-”

Warm fingers pressed against Roy’s lips, silencing him faster than a bullet to the heart, which was exactly what it felt like. 

“Will you just shut up?” Slowly, the fingers moved away, but Roy still felt them, felt the burn against his sensitive skin.

“Look, that was my first kiss, so of course I didn’t, you know, return the gesture. And it was in the top 3 things I never expected to happen that day, so, there’s that too. Roy….”

But Roy had heard enough. He moved his hands up, one burying itself in that soft cascade of hair, pulling down, and the other hand sliding against a smooth jaw, the smallest prickle of stubble against Roy’s palm as he cupped Edward’s cheek. As gently as he could, Roy pulled down, as he tilted his own head up and towards Edward, gently pressing their lips together.

Or, that had been the idea, anyways.

But, Roy was blind, and he hadn’t done this whole kissing thing since, well, since that disastrous first kiss with Edward, those long years ago. Which was to say that, while their lips met, it was just barely, and Roy felt his entire body flush in embarrassment.

“Shit, I-”

Edward interrupted his apology with a grunt, as those thick thighs tighten around Roy, and one hand wound up his back, into his own hair. Pulling them closer, tighter.

Edward pressed his lips against Roy’s, both surprising and gentle, and they moved in tandem, lips pressing, caressing, until Roy opened his lips, tongue darting forward to lick against Edwards. At the gasp that earned, Roy slipped his tongue into Edward, licking into that warmth, searing against his skin, swallowing the moans he pulled from the teen. Reveling in the feel of strong hands against Roy’s scalp, pulling gently, his own still wrapped in that fucking  _ perfect _ hair, as his other fingers caressed the cheek of the man he loved more than anything.

Roy moved his mouth from those delectable lips along that perfect jawline, dropping open-mouthed kisses along Edwards neck, hands roaming wide, muscular shoulder, along a well defined back.

“You’re so fucking beautiful, Ed, my gods”

Another kiss along Edwards jugular, before latching on to Ed’s earlobe, sucking gently at that smooth skin, nibbling, worrying it with his teeth.

“How-how would you-even know?”

Edwards' words were breathless, the smallest of whines as Roy sucked harder, fingers pressing into the soft, juicy skin between back and ass, causing Edward to grind forward.

At least Roy wasn’t the only one hard in their pants.

“Just because I can’t see doesn’t mean I can’t feel” Roy responded, canting his hips, swallowing Edwards delicious moan. “Besides, I doubt you’ll ever be anything but beautiful.”

Roy felt the breath pushed out of him as strong hands pushed him against the bed, the full weight of the other man fully on top of him, skin searing hot, all lips and teeth and bruising fingers. The weight of strong hips and thighs against his own, thrusting ever to gently, as Edward licked and bit and teased as good as he got, hands roaming across Roy’s chest, sides. His hips. 

“Please, Roy-” Edward breathed into his mouth, hot and wet and so fucking perfect, as hips ground into his own, their hardness slipping against each others.

“-what?” Roy groaned out as his fingers dipped up against Edwards' sides, skin against skin, feeling that body above his shiver, flesh goosepimple at the light touch. His mouth was devouring that delicious spot, unique to Edward, where scars met neck, teeth nibbling the sensitive skin, lapping at it with his tongue. 

“I need-” Another groan as Roy bit against that flesh, feeling the textures against his teeth, soothing away the pain with long, gentle licks of his tongue “-I need you to,  _ you know _ .”

Roy stopped, hands reaching for Edwards, where they were exploring his stomach, and stilled them.

“Edward. I  _ don’t _ know, and-” Roy made a frustrated sound, willing the blinding lust and love from his mind, trying to clear it, to express himself. “I need you to be direct about what you want, Edward. Very direct. I’d normally read you and the situation better but...I can’t  _ see _ the things I usually look for and…I don’t want to do something you don’t want to.” Roy pressed Edwards' hands flat against his chest, feeling the heat between his own hands and chest, feeling his own heart thundering through those warm hands. “I want this to be enjoyable for you, whatever it is we end up doing, which is also up to you, love. It’s also up to you if you change your mind at any point.”

Roy could practically feel Edward’s mind working, debating, as his breath still came out ragged, still pressed hard against his own length. Felt the pressure against his body as Edward leaned forward, mouth open, breath hot against Roy’s lips, hands slipping beneath Roy’s shirt, searing a trail against flesh.

“I want you, Roy, I want you inside me.  _ Please _ .” 

Roy smiled against Ed’s lips, slipping his fingers around Ed’s shirt, tugging it up and over his head, slipping his own off as well. The feeling of skin on skin, hot and searing, burning against Roy, like the most delicious punishment.

If he was going to hell, this was the way he wanted to go-buried alive in golden sun, drowning in silken skin. 

Edward continued to cant his hips forward, their lengths pressing, slipping against each other, the friction a tease, a promise. Roy wrapped his arms around Edward's waist, flipping them, face buried in that hair, slipping against his skin like strands of silk, nose buried in the scent of bergamot and oil, something so uniquely Edward, Roy groaned. 

Roy left a trail of open mouthed kisses as he made his way down Ed’s neck, teeth biting the hard clavicle, licking the bite, soothing the pain. Above him, Edward moaned and whimpered, hips thrusting, seeking that friction, that release his body craved. Those wanton cries did things to Roy, insides hot, as he bit his own lip, struggling to keep it together, to make it last. 

A hand gripped his hair, tight, this side of pain, and Roy groaned, lips and tongue teasing a nipple, suckling the taut peak, rolling the other between dampened fingers. He rolled the hardened flesh between his teeth, sucking and licking, as Edward groaned in a way that went straight to Roy’s dick, kissing the bruised skin of Ed’s chest. He left a wet trail of kisses and teeth marks as he moved lower, hands slipping beneath the waistband of Ed’s pants, lowering them.

“Is this okay?” His voice was hoarse, strained, even to himself.

“ _ Fuck _ -” Edward sounded thoroughly blissed out, voice strained, wanting “Please, Roy,  _ yes _ , please.”

Roy grinned as he removed Edward’s pants, the sound of flesh hitting flesh had Roy salivating, and mentally begging for the day he’d be able to see the glory that was Edward Elric. But, for now, Roy would have to be content with fingers and tongue, the feeling of skin on skin.

The first taste of salt was divine, and Roy wasted no time, taking Edward all the way in his mouth, tongue swirling and prodding, breathing in the salty musk, fingers gripping one soft, supple thigh, the other holding onto that metal, hot against his shoulder. 

“Fuck,  _ goddamn _ , Roy-” the words spilled out of Edward between whimpers and moans, the sound of him thrashing against the headboard, the sheets, reaching Roy’s ears. Roy continued, bobbing his head gently, feeling Edwards head against his throat, tongue pressing against that silken skin.

Roy popped off, hands gripping the round globes of Edwards ass, lifting the boy up.

“-wha-”

Edward never finished his question as Roy licked a strip between Edwards ass cheeks, teasing the soft skin, delving back down. Tongue darting in, loosening the muscle, adding a finger, as he held strong thighs, keeping the boy from bucking too much. Edward was tight, but Roy was patient, licking and sucking the skin, pressing his finger in slowly, moistening the hot ring of muscle. Adding a second finger as Edward loosened around him, scissoring his fingers, stretching, licking, as Edwards mewled, profanity in a non-stop wave of whispers and moans, whimpers and cries, as Roy found the spot he was looking for. 

“Roy, fuck” the boy was panting, needy “Please, I  _ need _ you inside me... _ please _ ”

A final kiss to Edwards hole, a lick across Edwards head, licking up the precum, as he sat up.

What he would give to see Edward, nude, begging to be filled. Roy imagined flushed cheeks, lips bruised from kisses, skin golden and perfect, as he lay in a bed of golden strands. 

“Equivalent exchange!” Ed breathed “Pants, get 'em off now.”

Roy chuckled, moving his hands to his belt, undoing it slowly, teasing. Edward apparently had no time for Roy’s tease, as he felt hands shove his out of the way, and his belt nearly ripped open, another litany of curses falling from the boys lips.

“Fuck shit, goddamn belt, Roy, you’re killing me here, godfuckingdammi-”

Roy shut him up, pulling their lips together, hot and wet, licking into Ed’s mouth, breathing in his panting breaths, as Edward got his pants down, freeing his erection. Edward pulled Roy on top of him, feet gripping Roy’s loose pants, scrabbling them off so they were both completely naked.

Roy groped around, fingers searching hot skin, as he plunged his tongue into that hot, wet mouth, Edward eagerly taking everything Roy had to give. The metal of Ed’s arm and leg were nearly burning where they writhed against Roy, but he didn’t care, reveling in the feeling, the scent of Edward. Hands gripped his skin, bruising, teeth against Roy’s lips, tongue exploring, demanding. 

It took an embarrassingly long time, but Roy finally lined himself up with Edward’s entrance, pressing gently into that searing heat that was Edward. 

“Are you sure, love?” At the word, Roy would have stopped in a heartbeat. As much as he wanted this-and good lord, sweet Circe, he wanted this-Roy would stop if Edward was hesitant. 

Edward groaned in response, thick thighs squeezing around Roy’s ass, pulling him closer, pulling him into that sweet silken heat of Edward.

“Roy, please, yes, _please_ ” The voice in his ear was husky, lust filled, demanding, and who was Roy to ever deny Edward anything?

Roy eased himself into that delicious heat, feeling the muscles tight against his cock, loosening with his small movements, a near constant whimper in his ear, as he felt a beat of sweat drip down his back.

Edward felt better than any dream, any memory, pulling Roy in, like fucking gravity-an unstoppable force that Roy was helpless against. 

Once fully sheathed, Roy paused, waiting for Edward to adjust, to relax, as the arms around his back were tensed. Roy soothes his hands across strong arms, entwining their fingers, another hand wrapped in that glorious hair, pressing soft kisses and nips across Ed’s neck.

“You’re doing so great, love, so great. You’re so perfect, so beautiful” Roy kept up his litany of praise, years of pent up love and adoration finally bursting out, showering Edward with the praises he deserved.

Slowly, ever so slowly, Roy began to rock his hips, as the tightness around him relaxed, the boy beneath him writhing, those whimpers turning to moans, fingers grasping, pulling at Roy’s hair, his ass, pulling them closer and closer. Urging Roy to go faster, to go deeper, as their mouths met in a mess of saliva and tongues, teeth and lips, the air between them hot, electric, a lightning storm on a hot day. 

Roy gave into that demand, that want, that need. Thrusting harder, deeper, his own moans joining Edwards as their bodies moved together, all hot skin and sweat. Lips and teeth, and the slick skin. Roy snaked a hand down smooth ribs, gripping a hip for one deep thrust, reaching for Edward’s cock, hard and bouncing between them. Roy timed his thrusts with his hand, hot and slick against that hard cock, thumbing the slit, swallowing Ed’s moans, the near-constant stream of ‘ _ fuck yes, please, fuck, god _ ” that spilled from Edward. 

Soon, too soon, Roy felt the pressure building low in his stomach, the pleasure becoming too much, threatening to spill, to explode between them. Thankfully, Edward seemed the same, the cries, the writing of the lithe body beneath him reaching a crescendo, Edward moaning loudly, strong legs wrapped around Roy, until-

“ **Fuck** ” and Roy felt Edwards cock twitch, then the hot stream of cum between their bodies, soaking Roy’s fingers, his stomach.

Roy followed closely, as Edward clenched his own cock, milking Roy for everything he had, his own moan muffled as he buried his head in Edwards neck. He continued to thrust gently, as the limbs around him, the body beneath him sank bonelessly into the bed, seemingly spent.

Roy pulled himself out, planted a soft kiss on Edwards face, hands gently carding through sweat-damped hair.

“I love you.”

Roy didn’t wait for a response, knew there wouldn’t be one, as he sat up, and crawled off the bed.

“Roy-?” Ed’s voice was small, sleepy.

“I’ll be right back, love.” Roy responded, as he moved towards the bathroom.

A sleepy hum was his response, and Roy smiled.

He’d give anything for this to last forever.

But…

Roy pushed those thoughts out of his head, as he found a washcloth, cleaning himself up with the warm fabric. He then soaked the cloth, wrung it out, and made his way back to the bed. Kneeling on the bed, Roy felt around for Edward, using the cloth to clean up the worst mess, placing a kiss to the wide expanse of chest as he lay down beside the nearly-sleeping boy.

Barely conscious, Edward shifted across the bed, wrapping his whole body around Roy’s, head tucked beneath Roy’s shoulder, their hands entwined.

“Please? Just a few hours. I promise we’ll work, just...later.”

“Alright, a few hours.” Roy responded, dropping a light kiss on Ed’s forehead, pulling the boy closer, and throwing the blanket across them.

Roy found he had no problems sleeping after that.

* * *

The remaining days of treatment were spent with the tingle of alchemy, sweat soaked skin on skin, and the feel of Edward burned into Roy’s very soul. They talked of many things, but Roy couldn’t bring himself to ask the biggest question, the one that plagued his mind, filled him with a deep anxiety.

What were they to each other? Temporary lovers? A sidenote of an eventful life? Roy didn’t know, but couldn’t bear to hear the answer. 

And so he ignored it. Ignored the anxiety, the feeling of not-knowing. Pushed down the nausea that threatened to break when he thought of Ed leaving. Breathed through the barely-held together shards of his heart, ready to break at a single word, a single action.

Ignored the knowing, the knowledge that the onslaught of pain would rip him apart, ignored it all and instead focused on Edward. On filling himself full of memory, and knowledge. On the scent of Edward; the taste of every inch of skin; the moans and whimpers and sighs; the contented sounds when he was happy, the sharpness of his voice; the sound when Edward came, when he slept. 

Roy filled himself with these memories that he knew would destroy him on long nights, cold days. Would completely and utterly destroy him the second that Edward left. 

If Edward noticed-and, frankly, how could he not have?-he said nothing.

Which was answer enough for Roy.

* * *

“We’ll do this in here...” Edward said, leading Roy by the hand towards his room. Which had turned into their room, as Ed had basically moved in after that first morning. “...so the lights don’t hurt your eyes.”

“You’re so sure I’ll be able to see.”

“Of course I am. I’m the best at anything I do. You’ll just have to trust me.”

A snort. “You know I do.”

Roy sat where Edward led him, hands twisting together in his lap, sweaty and nervous. It was finally time to see if Roy would get his vision back. Sure, Edward was confident, but when wasn’t he?

Deep breath in.

“Alright, here goes. Hold still.”

Deep breath out, as fingers untied the blindfold he was still wearing, feeling the soft material slip off his face.

“Okay...open them slowly.”

Another deep breath in as Roy followed Ed’s instructions, cracking his eyes.

Leather clad legs, thick muscular thighs, leading to the edge of a white shirt. Roy couldn’t help himself-he sobbed, fingers reaching out to grip the bare arms that Roy could now see!

Roy wanted to cry, to laugh, to wrap his arms around the beautiful, stunning man in front of him. The miracle worker that Roy would give his life for.

Slowly, that golden hair came into view, long strands, like melted gold splayed across white fabric, unbraided, unbound. He reached a hand out, fingers caressing the waterfall of sunshine, raising his face to look, finally, at Edward.

Strong jaw, soft full lips, chapped from their kisses, the lightest smattering of freckles across golden skin. And then those eyes, those fucking eyes, the ones that haunted Roy’s dreams, were lit with joy and happiness.

“See, I knew you were beautiful.” Roy breathed, pulling Edward closer, drinking in the vision, the golden skin, smooth against Roy’s trembling fingers.

“Is anything blurry? How's your periphery?”

Ever the scientist, Edward shot questions about vision and pain, and all sorts of other things. Roy answered each one, patient, full of love and awe, as he drank in the sight of Edward, even more beautiful and handsome than he could have imagined. 

Roy kept his hands to himself, mostly, but the desire to touch all that skin, to taste the dips and crevices, to fill himself full of the sight of Edward was overwhelming, distracting.

Edward was apparently satisfied with his examination, grinning as he stood up, releasing Roy’s face.

“Another job well done” Edward smiled.

“Yes indeed. Thank you, Edward.” Roy entwined his fingers with Ed’s flesh ones, bringing them to his lips, kissing each knuckle. The examination was over, and Roy had plans for the rest of their day, wanting to devour the vision in front of him.

The shrill sound of the phone startled Roy, dropping Ed’s hand as he stood up. No one had the number, no one knew they were there…

“Mustang here” voice calm, commanding.

“General, Lieutenant Roza here. I’m calling on behalf of Colonel Hawkeye, who wishes to inquire on your status. Authorization code…”

Roy listened to the code, anxiety filling in his stomach. He’d known this couldn’t last forever, knew he had to report in. He’d just expected to have more time.

“Code accepted, Lieutenant. Please inform Hawkeye that the treatment was a complete success and that-”

“Excellent! I’ll have Eastern send over your train ticket immediately, there’s a train tonight, thankfully. There has been a matter back in Central that requires your immediate attention. Glad to have you back.”

“-wait-”

The line went dead.

That anxiety in Roy’s stomach twisted, catapulted into his throat, as he put the receiver down. 

He thought he had more time.

He _needed_ more time.

“What was that?” Ed’s voice broke through the panic that was rapidly building in Roy.

“Central. They need me back as soon as possible.”

Roy stared at the phone, body going numb, as his stomach threatened to spill it’s contents, heart thundering, painful.

He needed more time. It wasn't enough, there wasn’t enough-

“Great, when are we leaving?”

Roy blinked, head turning slowly towards Ed, lounging against the bed. “What?”

Head cocked “When are we leaving? Surely Hawkeye already has tickets, right?”

“Tonight...wait-we?”

Edward snorted, pushing himself off the bed, moving slowly towards Roy. “Yes, we. You didn’t think you were getting rid of me that easily, did you?”

Roy had no idea what his face looked like, but knew he looked devastated, knew his emotions had shown on his face.

“...no...you think that I’ll get rid of you.” The words were quiet, awed, and pierced Roy to the center of his soul. “I see, so I was right.”

Roy hung his head in shame, his heart in his throat, choking any response he had-which was nothing.

“Roy, look at me.” a hand touched Roy’s cheek, bringing their faces together. “You can’t get rid of me. Not anymore. We’re...connected, like, there’s some sort of pull towards you. Roy-” a deep breath in, as Ed’s cheeks flushed “-I love you. I’m sorry it took so long to fucking say, but, I do.”

Overcome, Roy pressed forward, their lips meeting, gentle this time, gentle and full of love and emotion, as Roy poured himself into that singular kiss.

“So, us? Together us? A ‘we’ if you will?” Roy’s voice was tentative, shy, but hopeful.

Gold eyes, full of mirth and mischief, happiness and, dare Roy say it, love, met his own, as their fingers met and entwined, holding close.

“Fuck yes.”

  
  


**Author's Note:**

> Please be gentle, this is my first foray into FMA! *constructive* feedback and comments are most welcome!
> 
> (feel free to stalk me at Twitter @killwaiii)


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